Gaining a sister

Over the past month or so, you may have noticed, I have been spending a lot of time with a wonderful person, we’ve been shopping, to the cinema, done some baking with her Mum, watched various tv shows at hers and had many heart to hearts 🙂 It’s been really good and bonding, so much so she’s like a sister, it’s fabulous!
Her real sister has been poorly 😦 so I’m sending her get well soons and lots of healthy vibes!

In Wedding news both Stuart and I are sold on Wrenbury Hall as our reception venue, it’s absolutely perfect and beautiful. Obviously when He’s back in to UK we will go and view it so He can see it in the flesh (so to speak) along with some other options. Sadly I missed the Wedding Fayre at Crewe Hall today but we will be going to the one at Wrenbury in January hopefully if Stuart is still in the country!

Life otherwise is still pretty stressful. Am job hunting which in itself is difficult at the moment, it doesn’t help that it has to be in Nantwich because I don’t drive and can’t afford to learn again! The uni situation has yet to be sorted, I’m planning to give it a last shot on Monday and if I can’t do it then I’ll drop out. There was me thinking I’d made all the mistakes I could in my life, but no, evidently I am still entirely capable of making the biggest mistakes ever by going to uni! Anyway, we shall see what happens on Monday.

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Life is hard…and sucky

Argh!

The entire uni situation is more stressful that I first imagined, all sorts of bad things going on again in my life. Who would have thought something “good” could cause so much shit to hit the fan?

I’ve asked uni if they will let me study from home, they said no because the course requires class discussions, *sigh* who knew? Any way, I am looking into the Open University who do English Language with no requirement to talk to people, this we like! However, this means that I need to get a job which may be a problem if it isn’t somewhere small. I will be applying around my tiny town and praying that people are taking on for Christmas but failing that I think I am royally stuck. And of course the damned government will give me no help because I’m just not failing to function enough.

I feel this turning into a political rant and I can’t be bothered with that!

Anyway, we are looking for places to live now, although now that we’re not stuck in the UK for 3 years because of uni we can move to America ASAP, which is a good thing. The further away I am from Gordon Brown and his idiotic policies the better.

Damnit, political rant again! Sorry!

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Feminism vs University

I had a shockingly terrible day today 😦 So I’m going to share, because I’m nice like that!

This morning my mother and I were discussing the wedding, this stressed me out loads to start off the day with because she is taking over completely and trying to do everything, and her way. I was having a fabulous time planning the wedding on my own, obviously with help from Stuart, but it was great. I was loving organising everything, making appointments, budgeting (I know, I was enjoying budgeting!) and doing everything else weddingy and planningy. However, now I am stressed to high heaven and ready to either call the whole thing off or just go to a registry office, just the two of us, and get it over with. I just want to marry the man of my dreams, I don’t want some big, flash, fancy wedding, even with unlimited money I would not do much different to how we have it so far. Anyway, Stuart phoned her to tell her to back off, I’m not sure if she will listen, or understand, but we can hope.

After this Jess popped round briefly to pick up my sexy thigh high boots so she can sass up her Rocky Horror Show outfit! Suey came to take my mum out for lunch and I headed off to the train station to get to uni. I waited at the train station for about 20 minutes and the train never came, I wandered home to check if it had been cancelled, nothing online, so I checked the next trains and it got me in late. I phoned my mum to get a lift, no answer, so I had no choice but to get the later train, as a result I was 40 minutes late for my lecture and crying. I sat outside waiting for it to finish and went in to talk to the lecturer. The lecture theatre was full with about 100 people so I was pretty glad that I missed it because there is no way I would have sat in there for an hour. I had a chat to the lecturer who said they didn’t do anything anyway aside from give out, yet more, information that is available online. So home I came feeling like shit, holding back tears and beating myself up for being such a failure (for going to uni, not for being late).

Now I shall explain why. I am the anti-feminist. I would give back the vote tomorrow, I don’t think women should be allowed into Uni, I don’t think they should have high powered jobs and I don’t think that they should have more rights than a man. In my opinion women should be at home, cooking, cleaning and raising the children, there is nothing that could ever compare to that, why would you want to be a “career woman”? I think a woman’s job should be marrying well and making that marriage work, there is nothing wrong with having a man look after you financially if you look after him emotionally, men and women are good at different things for a reason. As such, going to Uni makes me feel like utter shit. I am so out of place, I am not a perfectly preened 20 something who’s out for a career and to make her millions, I’m a dowdy 40 something (mentally!) housewife and mother who’s stressed about making sure her toddler gets his shots and her husband gets his tea on time, and do you know what, I’m proud of that. It’s taken me 10 years to be proud of that and happy with myself and to believe that what I want is ok even if society says it’s not, and I am not prepared to let Uni take that away from me. And when I walk round uni I feel like I am betraying myself and my values and destroying my future. What man would want a woman with a degree and a high powered career? I sure as hell wouldn’t.

Please keep the offensive posts to a minimum folks – I am expecting some!

Anyway, the rest of the evening was good, my fabulous friends Bob and Emma came round for dinner and we played some wii and chatted. Good times. Cheered me up no end.

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First Days of Uni

Well it’s Tuesday night (actually, technically it’s Wednesday morning!) and I have done my first two days of the induction week at the University of Manchester. Now before people go accusing me of not being open minded (Sami!) although I was nervous (terrified is probably more accurate!) before I started I was determined to give it a shot and see what happened. I had no idea what to expect really and I was open minded.
Anyway, the first day was pretty nervewracking, Mum came with me and we got the train (fotunately we didn’t have to be there until 2ish so it was relaxed). I’m quite enjoying train journys now, have to say I do prefer them to busses. We got to Picadilly and got the uni bus to the main campus. We had some lunch in the Rock Cafe because we got there early (just in case!) and then found our way to the lecture we needed to be in. The lecture was pretty boring but settled my nerves a bit despite them telling us to buy a book from a shop that doesn’t exist and the general disorganisation. However all the uni students wandering around talking about partying and teenage stuff was getting to me, the whole atmosphere is one of youth and “coolness” and that’s just not me. I’m the first to admit that I’m a grumpy old woman! After the talk we went pretty much straight home because we were both knackered! Sad, after having time to reflect on the day I felt terrible and massively depressed and this resulted in a shocking nights sleep which didn’t bode well for day two.
Day two, today, was horrendous in the morning: the bus was an ass so we (my mum and I) ended up walking from the station in the poruing rain, leaving us both cold and wet for the lecture, which we got to an hour early after much arguing over whether we were going in the right direction or not. We had managed to get a proper map by now though. Waiting to go into the lecture was messing with my head something chronic, looking around there were all these young, hip, fashionable people who want a career and believe in feminism and all that jazz. I felt so out of place and inferior I wanted to cry. Eventually we went into the lecture and everyone quietened down and the teachers started giving their, completely useless and highly boring, talks on various aspects of uni life. I’m hoping that I will be able to avoid uni life so to speak and just be able to go to lectures, grab the work and go, I think if I manage that I will make it through. The problem is definitely with the other students and the fact I feel like a total outcast and completely different to them all because my views and dreams are so blatently different to theirs. We shall see I suppose.
After the never ending lecture we went to buy my books from the shop that Bob suggested and we had a nice coffee and lunch there. It was good to get away from the students, who were all at the student fair, again so I didn’t get brought down.

When I got home Stuart’s mummy dropped off my disney netbook 😀 It’s fantastic in everyway and it totally made my day! I have set it all up to be all pink inside too and downloaded all my programmes!  I got to spend the evening with some friends watching Supernatural too which is always great fun! I am loving season 4 so far, excellent story line! Even with Deanbat is forgivable, mainly because we love him!

Tomorrow my mum and I are going shopping because I need some new jeans because my fat thighs are rubbing holes in these ones, as usual! And hopefully I will be picking up an adaptor for my netbook (as it’s american) and a cover for it so that when it is in my bag it will be safe.

I shall rave about my netbook in a later, more appropriate blog post!
Toodles for now!

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Wedding planning and the “U” word

I lead such a boring life at the moment what with having no money. However I am occupying myself with wedding planning! I fail to understand why everyone says that it’s so stressful and you need to delegate, I am loving every moment of it, so much so that I am inventing things to organise, like our wedding website! I already know where I’m getting my dress from, what the bridesmaids dresses look like, who we’re inviting, where we’re having the ceremony and when the date is (unless the vicar changes it when we see him on 3rd December!) We are looking into reception venues and going to view them in December, when Stuart gets back from Mexico. I have chosen my 2 Maid’s of Honour and my other bridesmaids, although I have still to ask the bridesmaids as I haven’t seen them! Hopefully Stuart’s nan will be making the bridesmaid’s dresses, she does it proffesionally and is amazing by all accounts, so that will save us some cash, which will pay for my incredible dress! I have sorted the playlist for the after party as well, although it is currently a day long so it may need cutting! We’re having our friends play and sing at the ceremony so we won’t be having an organist, it’s going to be so beautiful, I’m so excited!

What I am not excited about is uni. In fact I am so stressed I now have a very poorly tummy, a constant headache and am losing my hair 😦 I am definitely not dealing with the situation very well. I saw my counsellor again on Friday and am seeing her twice more before I start uni in the hope that she can at least keep my anxiety/panic attacks at bay at least until I get to uni. This all consuming fear is definitely not conducive to getting ready for uni!

Had my first panic attack in months yesterday on reciept of a letter from Uni…this is not looking good

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I’M ENGAGED!

I’m engaged to the man of my dreams! I am, officially, THE happiest woman in the world ever!

I hope you are all very jealous!

FYI He got down on one knee in silk boxer shorts!

IM ENGAGED!

On Tuesday we had our Engagement party at the White Horse (a local pub). We had a really good turnout, especially considering the late notice! It was lovely to see everyone again, as a lot of my friends have been away at uni so we haven’t seen them so I was catching up with them all night! Everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and was very happy for us 😀

Then on Wednesday my best friend from Primary School came to visit as she couldn’t make the actual party and I haven’t seen her in years, so it was fab to catch up with her too!

Also, I have found the best netbook in the world for uni, it’s pink and all Disney themed, right down to the mickey mouse shaped webcam! It’s the cheapest one we’ve found and also the best spec so I’ve done really well and it looks so cool! For the geeks out there it has:

• 1.6GHz Atom N270
• 160GB HDD or 16GB SSD
• 1GB of RAM
• 8.9” 1024×600 screen
• Windows XP

All in all I’m having the best week ever!

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New shower

Not a lot been going on recently, hence lack of blogging. I have been ill though and am still not better, debating whether to go to the doctors because at the moment I think there is a high chance of the problem being caused by stress.

I need to briefly air my opinion the telly but I promise I will keep it brief: Sir Alan hired the wrong one, as usual. Kate was a far better candidate, organised, responsible, prepared, imaginative. She did a fabulous advert and chocolates and was consistently fabulous through the whole show. Yasmina, however, didn’t even know about her own business, she lied about her success, she didn’t even know the difference between gross and net profit. What is he playing at? Good luck to Kate though for future success. On the Big Brother front, all pretty quiet really. Sophie’s doing well though, very proud that she hasn’t embarrassed herself and is actually coming across very well and quite smart!

Right, back to real life! The plumber came and fitted my new shower tonight, it works, which is fabulous! Will be testing it tomorrow I think. The height will be better for Stuart but I’m not sure if it will be too high for me but we shall see. I have heard from Uni too, they know that I will be joining them on September 21st. It’s all starting to feel very real and I’m getting very nervous. I’m still not sure I should be going at all because I know it’s for all the wrong reasons but if I don’t bite the bullet and go now then I will never do it and I don’t want to regret it. I have no idea what to expect, or if I’ll be any good at it or if I’ll fit in and I don’t know if I want to spend anymore time trying to find somewhere to fit in. I’m think I’m partly worried that I’ll feel a need to change who I am again and at the moment I’m happy with who I am and what I want out of life, more so than I ever have been. Trying not to think about it though or I know I’ll just jack it in again. Other problems in life but if I rant about those I’ll get all worked up again and it’s not worth it. Once Stuart is out of Italy all will be well 😀

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