I had a shockingly terrible day today So I’m going to share, because I’m nice like that!
This morning my mother and I were discussing the wedding, this stressed me out loads to start off the day with because she is taking over completely and trying to do everything, and her way. I was having a fabulous time planning the wedding on my own, obviously with help from Stuart, but it was great. I was loving organising everything, making appointments, budgeting (I know, I was enjoying budgeting!) and doing everything else weddingy and planningy. However, now I am stressed to high heaven and ready to either call the whole thing off or just go to a registry office, just the two of us, and get it over with. I just want to marry the man of my dreams, I don’t want some big, flash, fancy wedding, even with unlimited money I would not do much different to how we have it so far. Anyway, Stuart phoned her to tell her to back off, I’m not sure if she will listen, or understand, but we can hope.
After this Jess popped round briefly to pick up my sexy thigh high boots so she can sass up her Rocky Horror Show outfit! Suey came to take my mum out for lunch and I headed off to the train station to get to uni. I waited at the train station for about 20 minutes and the train never came, I wandered home to check if it had been cancelled, nothing online, so I checked the next trains and it got me in late. I phoned my mum to get a lift, no answer, so I had no choice but to get the later train, as a result I was 40 minutes late for my lecture and crying. I sat outside waiting for it to finish and went in to talk to the lecturer. The lecture theatre was full with about 100 people so I was pretty glad that I missed it because there is no way I would have sat in there for an hour. I had a chat to the lecturer who said they didn’t do anything anyway aside from give out, yet more, information that is available online. So home I came feeling like shit, holding back tears and beating myself up for being such a failure (for going to uni, not for being late).
Now I shall explain why. I am the anti-feminist. I would give back the vote tomorrow, I don’t think women should be allowed into Uni, I don’t think they should have high powered jobs and I don’t think that they should have more rights than a man. In my opinion women should be at home, cooking, cleaning and raising the children, there is nothing that could ever compare to that, why would you want to be a “career woman”? I think a woman’s job should be marrying well and making that marriage work, there is nothing wrong with having a man look after you financially if you look after him emotionally, men and women are good at different things for a reason. As such, going to Uni makes me feel like utter shit. I am so out of place, I am not a perfectly preened 20 something who’s out for a career and to make her millions, I’m a dowdy 40 something (mentally!) housewife and mother who’s stressed about making sure her toddler gets his shots and her husband gets his tea on time, and do you know what, I’m proud of that. It’s taken me 10 years to be proud of that and happy with myself and to believe that what I want is ok even if society says it’s not, and I am not prepared to let Uni take that away from me. And when I walk round uni I feel like I am betraying myself and my values and destroying my future. What man would want a woman with a degree and a high powered career? I sure as hell wouldn’t.
Please keep the offensive posts to a minimum folks – I am expecting some!
Anyway, the rest of the evening was good, my fabulous friends Bob and Emma came round for dinner and we played some wii and chatted. Good times. Cheered me up no end.
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